General life

Tonight my husband and I decided to go to Target to pick up a new router since ours was being a piece of crap (like most made over seas products are these days). We ended up going to Target at about 9:30pm. I have discovered that shopping anywhere after around 8pm, there are legions of teenage douche bags running amok. If you're above the age of 25, over weight, and have thrown your hair up into a messy ball on top of your head - this makes you a fantastic target for said douche bags.

But, anyone that knows me, knows I don't put up with much malarkey. So, said douche bags did not get far in their banter.

However, I wasn't always this way. Back in "the day" I was fairly shy and insecure and gave a crap about what EVERYONE thought. That insecurity prevented me from making friends, prevented me from going out and joining clubs, prevented me from exploring and experiencing life. Don't get me wrong - in my normal group of friends, I was a pretty loud outgoing person. But take me out of my comfort zone and it was a completely different scenario.

Tonight made me think about a conversation I had with my mom a few days ago. Her co-worker has a daughter that is currently new to college. She's considering switching schools because, from what I'm understanding, where she is it's hard to make friends.

It really has nothing to do with location, it has to do with self worth, self confidence, and the ability to believe you have something meaningful to offer a new found friendship/relationship. Until a person is ready within themselves to go out there and meet new people - no matter where you go - you won't be happy.

So many times I wish my 32 year old self could talk to my 18 year old self and smack some sense into her. I was more concerned with getting out of Vermont, and away from my past, that I didn't consider that once I got what I wanted - what the hell was I going to do? I was pretty shy and introverted when I first got to school. I was convinced that every move I made was being watched, judged, and documented to be used against me in some way in the very near future. I honestly made my first year of college worse then it really needed to be because of my own insecurities about myself. It wasn't that I wasn't a likable person - I was just an awkward person that didn't know how to meet new people. The thought of going out and joining a group or club scared the hell out of me. But truly, beyond the internet (which was only in it's infancy when I was in school) the only other way to meet people was thru classes or clubs.

It's amazing how much my insecurities about my weight, my past, my lack of experiences dictated much of what was supposed to be "the best time of my life". Who I am now, compared to who I was then - we're different people. After my first year of college, I transferred to a school in southern Vermont. And, because again, just because the location changed - didn't mean that I had.

I think that a lot of kids are not truly prepared for what going to college means. I used to think that the only way to success was to immediately go to college straight out of high school. I now think that going to college straight out of high school when you're not really prepared for that sort of change is more damaging. But, this is just my experience.

I've considered taking some night classes. I'd love to take some photography courses. My family keeps telling me I have missed my calling for food photography. Perhaps it's something to look into. I do miss having more time for my creative outlets.

Our lives have been pretty consumed with work and working on our new life style. Finding new ways of cooking has kept most of our free time pretty busy. But, it's been a successful journey so far. BJ has lost around 25 lbs, and I'm down 22 lbs. We've done our first side by side progression photos - and the changes are dramatic.

Beyond that, nothing new to report. I'll have new recipes to post in the next week or so. Infact, we're making our first gluten free pumpkin cheese cake that is sans refined sugar! We'll see how that turns out. :)


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