A few years ago I wrote a list of excuses. And I reread these. I really should just print this and post it on every door in my house as a reminder of WHY I am doing what I am doing.
There is no better time than today. There is no better reason than, because you love yourself enough to make your life a priority.
Are what got me to 426 Pounds in 2004
Are what got the inches around my abdomen to be taller than my height
Are what allowed me to wear a size 34/36 (in 2004)
Helped my joints ache
Prevented me from fitting in movie theater seats
Provided constant pain to my feet
Caused me to avoid all camera's and camcorders
Encouraged me to ignore mirrors at all cost
Caused me to gauge where I sat in a restaurant based on how wide the booths were
Created someone who didn't believe in herself
Brought out the very worst in me
Made it easy to ignore my needs
Festered and festered in each growing pound and inch
Allowed me to eat WHATEVER, WHENEVER
To lose control of my health
Put blinders on reality
Fogged my thoughts and feelings about myself
Robbed me of decades of my life
Gave me a reason to Give up
Caused me to shield myself from developing healthy relationships
Prevented me from having friends because I was too worried about what others thought
Allowed me to keep abusive friendships out of fear of losing the few "friends" I had
Excuses led me to where I am now, its time to get up and do something different.
This photo... is one of the most embarrassing photos I've ever had taken of me. 2003, at my heaviest weight of 426 lbs. I was eating myself to death. I allowed my past, my present, my inability to see a future contribute to the excuses I made for why this was all right. I wish I could go back and talk sense into this girl.
My whole life I've hidden from myself, from my friends, from family because of shame. I never wanted to talk about my weight and my self control issues because I wasn't ready to deal with them head on.
Why does it always seem like it takes a terrifying event to shock people into action? To taking control of their life?
I won't give up on me. I am going to stumble. I am going to fall sometimes. But I won't allow myself to get to the point where I can't walk again. I've never been so scared in my life. I never truly believed until that moment that I was really killing myself with my own behavior.
I am worth the fight. Eventually, I will win. Maybe not tomorrow - maybe not in 3 months. But I will win.