A few years ago BJ and I started on a path towards living healthier. We were going full Paleo, gluten free, etc etc etc. We did very well while we followed the plan. The problem was we gave up when we didn't see the results we wanted, or thought it was taking too long to get there. I suppose we have to keep going through these things until we finally decide that it's not just one aspect of our lives we have to change. We really need to change everything - from emotional well being, to mental state, to eating and living healthier.

A few years ago I wrote a list of excuses. And I reread these. I really should just print this and post it on every door in my house as a reminder of WHY I am doing what I am doing.

There is no better time than today. There is no better reason than, because you love yourself enough to make your life a priority.


Are what got me to 426 Pounds in 2004

Are what got the inches around my abdomen to be taller than my height

Are what allowed me to wear a size 34/36 (in 2004)

Helped my joints ache

Prevented me from fitting in movie theater seats

Provided constant pain to my feet

Caused me to avoid all camera's and camcorders

Encouraged me to ignore mirrors at all cost

Caused me to gauge where I sat in a restaurant based on how wide the booths were

Created someone who didn't believe in herself

Brought out the very worst in me

Made it easy to ignore my needs

Festered and festered in each growing pound and inch

Allowed me to eat WHATEVER, WHENEVER

To lose control of my health

Put blinders on reality

Fogged my thoughts and feelings about myself

Robbed me of decades of my life

Gave me a reason to Give up

Caused me to shield myself from developing healthy relationships

Prevented me from having friends because I was too worried about what others thought

Allowed me to keep abusive friendships out of fear of losing the few "friends" I had

Excuses led me to where I am now, its time to get up and do something different.

This photo... is one of the most embarrassing photos I've ever had taken of me. 2003, at my heaviest weight of 426 lbs. I was eating myself to death. I allowed my past, my present, my inability to see a future contribute to the excuses I made for why this was all right. I wish I could go back and talk sense into this girl.

My whole life I've hidden from myself, from my friends, from family because of shame. I never wanted to talk about my weight and my self control issues because I wasn't ready to deal with them head on.

Why does it always seem like it takes a terrifying event to shock people into action? To taking control of their life?

I won't give up on me. I am going to stumble. I am going to fall sometimes. But I won't allow myself to get to the point where I can't walk again. I've never been so scared in my life. I never truly believed until that moment that I was really killing myself with my own behavior.

I am worth the fight. Eventually, I will win. Maybe not tomorrow - maybe not in 3 months. But I will win.


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