New Tattoo - what it means to me

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned here before that I've been planning on a new tattoo. To this point I've only had one tattoo done - it's the bumble bee holding a heart on my wrist. I got this tattoo in 2007 a year before my wedding. It's a representation of my husband BJ - as my nickname for him is Bumblebee. He'll kill me for this but - the full nick name is Bumble Butt Booey Bear. Bumblebee for short. So, the tattoo is of a bumble bee - representing BJ - holding my heart. Awww, I know. So cute.

I put a lot of thought into what I wanted next. I find tattoo's to be beautiful, and an outward expression of our inner self. I didn't just want any tattoo. I wanted something that meant something to me, to inspire me, to lift me up - to remind me of who I am.

I am. Two words that can start the most beautiful sentence, or the most destructive. For many years I put very negative words after "I am"... I am fat. I am selfish. I am worthless. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am unlovable. Such ugly, negative words that were an energy inside my body that kept me from achieving the great things I know that I am capable of. "I am" almost destroyed me.

I still struggle some days with what to put after those two little words. But, I wanted a reminder that it doesn't matter that I'm not perfect - I just need to remember that I am enough. I am enough of love, of compassion, of beauty, of peace, of friendship, and most importantly - I am enough for myself. My self worth is not reliant on the approval of anyone. I am enough. Period.

I wanted more than just the words to be inked on my body. I wanted what they represent to me. I am enough is my freedom from my past. It's transcending the hurtful thoughts and emotions that overpowered my self esteem for 30 some years. What is more free than a bird? So, to go with my words, I chose a feather. This symbol is not just about the freedom I've found from making peace with my past - but the courage and strength that it took to do so.

I have learned through everything I've been doing this past year and a half is that I am anything but weak. I am stubborn, and resilient, and confident, and powerful. I am determined, and I will not give up on myself. I already know that I will not be perfect, and will fall at times - but I am capable of achieving my goals. I am. The two most powerful words you could ever start a sentence with.

These past few weeks Bj and I have continued with our Low Carb cooking, working out at Planet Armstrong - but, I know I've not been following as strictly as I should be. I do believe that the sugar substitutes can cause stalls, and sometimes even gains. With the fall upon us, my favorite thing about fall is anything pumpkin related - and of course - baking. So, there has been a lot of baking going on in my house, which is fine - but we've over done it the past few weeks, and I ended up gaining about 5 lbs. Now, Bj is under some delusion that it's me building muscle - but I've been more focused on cardio the past few weeks (especially since I have a new toy - my gazelle! yay!) and not so much on weight training. I need to back off the sugar substitutes and focus more on eating lean proteins, with the addition of high fat healthy foods such as butter, avocados, bacon, etc, dark leafy greens and vegetables.

My new toy. It was free, too. Love it!

So, to motivate us into working out - my brother in law Don (from DD Decals - look him up on facebook!) made us this awesome wall decal to put in our gym area. I love it. It makes me want to put in 100%. It reminds me of what I'm achieving every single day.

So, those are my updates for now. New tattoo, gained a few pounds, got a free workout machine, reconstituted motivation for working out, got a game plan to get back on track. Until the next time - be kind to yourself, to others, and keep moving forward. Peace out!

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